Bird Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

With the looming Avian Flu pandemic just months, maybe even hours, away, it’s important for us all to be prepared and readied for the attack. Covered here will be a few futile ways of how to avoid the flu, how to respond to those who are infected, and how to survive when the hordes of undead come to take away your supplies and large-screen television. 



Disease Prevention:
• Resist kissing or ‘making-out’ with chicken, ducks or any other poultry or water-fowl. Just because you married a swan doesn’t mean you have to mate for life. That’s their lifestyle, not yours!

• Be sure to wash your hands for after every 20-hour work shift of raising, slaughtering, and cooking hundreds of thousands of disease ridden chickens.

• Be sure that you are cooked to an even internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit before going into public.

• Everything around you is dirty! Dirty, dirty, dirty! If you don’t clean it, it will kill you! Dirty, dirty, dirty! But wait! The dirt, it won’t come off! YOU’RE DIRTY! Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!

• Avoid using unclean bathrooms, improperly prepared meals, and breathing.

• Avoid the Subservient Chicken. He’s only here to bring you down!

• Tamiflu should be two out of your three daily meals. It has replaced ‘dairy’ in the food pyramid. If you are not currently eating handfuls of Tamiflu, it may already be too late.

Spot the Infection:

• Infected citizens will wander the streets all sweaty, pale, and gross. They will stumble about knocking over people and patio furniture. They will bleed from the eyes, nose, and ears. It is only when they fall to the ground convulsing that you are allowed to ask, “Is everything okay?”

• Infected citizens are usually scientists, terrorists, or some unwitting patsy. Know the signs before you approach them. Scientists are the ones in lab-coats.

• That dude at your office? Yeah, him... He’s infected. You know what you now must do.

The Avian Flu is a heartless, uncaring killer that’s coming for us all. Like Communism, it can creep in anywhere you’re not looking. Be vigilant. Pharmaceutical Conglomerates are doing their best to prepare the important people in the country. If you have not been personally contact by the CDC as to the whereabouts to the grand, underground “Ark” buried beneath the mountains, you’re already dead. Sure you can pray, but God cannot hear you in his safe, underground bunker

Poultry hates our freedom!