Designers Are Like Onions
They make me weep.
By now you're all aware of two things:
- I'm a graphic designer.
- I'm an angry person.
To keep my sanity, I impart onto you the gentle reader, some rules I've devised for the practices and standards for the job of Graphic Designer. We begin in no particular order:
1) Label your goddam Photoshop Layers.
2) Label your damned files. "psl Alex copy finalFinal_final.eps" is bullshit. Use words.
3) Never use the word "final" in labeling your work. NEVER, DAMMIT NEVER!
4) Version your work yourself. Don't rely on software. Just "Save As" and add "02" to the end.
5) If you save your work to your desktop, we take away your fonts. All of them.
6) If you open a PDF into Illustrator to view it, so help me I'll break your hands.
7) Print Designers design print. Web Designers design web. Never the two shall cross.
8) If you drink wine as you design, do me a favour and drown yourself. I don't need your kind. You've become a living caricature of designers and are a disservice to the rest of us.
9) Seriously, print designers know dick all about web. Stay the fuck out of my yard.
10) Hourly wage: Charge more than $30 and less than $130. You're getting paid to draw, not to save children. The day an advert for stock-photo services saves a dying child, you can charge thousands for all I care. Until then, you're finger-painting jackass!
11) If your job title has more than 10 syllables or four words, you're over doing it. We can see you trying and it's embarrassing to all of us.
12) The design on your t-shirt should never be more cryptic than the Enigma Machine.
13) Remember, they give awards to porno movies, too. So don't brag about the trophies your studio has received, okay?
14) So help me, if I find one more print designer pitching another flash-ridden, brochure-ware, blog-centric website I'm going to make your parents weep when they see what I've done to you!
15) Lastly, be sure to have fun kids! It may be work but there's no reason we can't screw over the jocks in marketing while we're doing it, eh?
Okay, that's it for me.
If I think of more, I'll let you know.
By now you're all aware of two things:
- I'm a graphic designer.
- I'm an angry person.
To keep my sanity, I impart onto you the gentle reader, some rules I've devised for the practices and standards for the job of Graphic Designer. We begin in no particular order:
1) Label your goddam Photoshop Layers.
2) Label your damned files. "psl Alex copy finalFinal_final.eps" is bullshit. Use words.
3) Never use the word "final" in labeling your work. NEVER, DAMMIT NEVER!
4) Version your work yourself. Don't rely on software. Just "Save As" and add "02" to the end.
5) If you save your work to your desktop, we take away your fonts. All of them.
6) If you open a PDF into Illustrator to view it, so help me I'll break your hands.
7) Print Designers design print. Web Designers design web. Never the two shall cross.
8) If you drink wine as you design, do me a favour and drown yourself. I don't need your kind. You've become a living caricature of designers and are a disservice to the rest of us.
9) Seriously, print designers know dick all about web. Stay the fuck out of my yard.
10) Hourly wage: Charge more than $30 and less than $130. You're getting paid to draw, not to save children. The day an advert for stock-photo services saves a dying child, you can charge thousands for all I care. Until then, you're finger-painting jackass!
11) If your job title has more than 10 syllables or four words, you're over doing it. We can see you trying and it's embarrassing to all of us.
12) The design on your t-shirt should never be more cryptic than the Enigma Machine.
13) Remember, they give awards to porno movies, too. So don't brag about the trophies your studio has received, okay?
14) So help me, if I find one more print designer pitching another flash-ridden, brochure-ware, blog-centric website I'm going to make your parents weep when they see what I've done to you!
15) Lastly, be sure to have fun kids! It may be work but there's no reason we can't screw over the jocks in marketing while we're doing it, eh?
Okay, that's it for me.
If I think of more, I'll let you know.
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