So a n00b walks into a bar…
Everyone has that one dumb friend, right? That friend who’s so incredibly dense that it’s only worth keeping them around to make fun of them and to make you smart by association.
Well, I don’t. Why? For one reason, it’s hard to steal material from dumb people. Secondly, I like my “dumb friend” stories to be purely fictional so they can be embellished and exaggerated as necessary. What can I say? I’m a lazy story-teller and I hate trying to keep up a lie. That’s probably why I also hate ‘those’ jokes. The ones where some race or social stereotype does something that only he could do in such a purely text-book example of his behavior. Those Newfie, Redneck, Polish, Afghani, Black, Jewish, Mexican, White-boy-so-nerdy, jokes you usually hear from your Uncle at his birthday party after that seventh shot of what he’s callin’ “liquid panty-line remover”. (Gawd, even his sex jokes are mangled.)
It’s incredibly easy to say I hate them because those types of jokes are unjust, morally wrong, bigoted, hateful and ignorant. However, I’ve never claimed to not be any of the above so I’m going to hate them for a completely different reason. They make me work too hard. Yes, low-brow, politically incorrect jokes actually make me have to think.
“Hmm... Joseph is a Jew. But is he incredibly obsessed with money? Not that I know of. He does spend a lot of time in the World of Warcraft marketplace. But so does the rest of my guild. Now I’m confused. Could he have meant that all Undead Elfin Kings are money-grubbin’ bastards?”
Racist jokes ask far too much of your audience. Primarily that they be as ignorant as the one telling the joke. Failing that, to be polite enough not to severely beat the person telling the joke. Lastly, these jokes ask that you be intimately familiar with the stereotypes they are exemplifying. And there’s no Wiki on racist, ignorant, bullshit that I'm willing to troll just to get your dumb “at the gates of Heaven” joke. (That one even asks me to subscribe to a religion with a Judeo-Christian afterlife. Talk about narrowing your audience!)
Instead, just tell rousing, amusing stories about your dumb friend. I call mine “Jimmy” that name is currently unused by my cache of friends. I have no plan as to what would happen if I ever did meet a genuine Jimmy. I hope I never do as he would have to live down to.
Now, let us compare the two styles of jokes:
“Jimmy is so stupid. Last night, he ate an entire box of soap thinking it was some magical warm ice-cream. He’s been farting bubbles all afternoon. Tomorrow I’m going to offer him a Palmolive Oil dressing and get the bathroom cleaned again!”
It’s not a barn-buster but if you let people think Jimmy’s a real boy, it’s something that will eventually be told on his wedding reception.
Compare it to your bigoted joke:
“Two Newfies walk into the bar, one slightly taller than the first. The one turns to the other and asks: “Is tonight the night they serve those fresh pickles with the meal?” The other laughs hysterically and says, “Clearly you don’t get pickles until after you finish your homework!” Both men drink responsibly and walk to their respective homes.”
That’s a terrible joke. Go ahead, tell it to your drunken uncle. He won’t laugh. He won’t breath much, either. He’s slipped into a diabetic coma. Just like those diabetics, always goin’ coma when there’s work to be done.
I’m done here.
Well, I don’t. Why? For one reason, it’s hard to steal material from dumb people. Secondly, I like my “dumb friend” stories to be purely fictional so they can be embellished and exaggerated as necessary. What can I say? I’m a lazy story-teller and I hate trying to keep up a lie. That’s probably why I also hate ‘those’ jokes. The ones where some race or social stereotype does something that only he could do in such a purely text-book example of his behavior. Those Newfie, Redneck, Polish, Afghani, Black, Jewish, Mexican, White-boy-so-nerdy, jokes you usually hear from your Uncle at his birthday party after that seventh shot of what he’s callin’ “liquid panty-line remover”. (Gawd, even his sex jokes are mangled.)
It’s incredibly easy to say I hate them because those types of jokes are unjust, morally wrong, bigoted, hateful and ignorant. However, I’ve never claimed to not be any of the above so I’m going to hate them for a completely different reason. They make me work too hard. Yes, low-brow, politically incorrect jokes actually make me have to think.
“Hmm... Joseph is a Jew. But is he incredibly obsessed with money? Not that I know of. He does spend a lot of time in the World of Warcraft marketplace. But so does the rest of my guild. Now I’m confused. Could he have meant that all Undead Elfin Kings are money-grubbin’ bastards?”
Racist jokes ask far too much of your audience. Primarily that they be as ignorant as the one telling the joke. Failing that, to be polite enough not to severely beat the person telling the joke. Lastly, these jokes ask that you be intimately familiar with the stereotypes they are exemplifying. And there’s no Wiki on racist, ignorant, bullshit that I'm willing to troll just to get your dumb “at the gates of Heaven” joke. (That one even asks me to subscribe to a religion with a Judeo-Christian afterlife. Talk about narrowing your audience!)
Instead, just tell rousing, amusing stories about your dumb friend. I call mine “Jimmy” that name is currently unused by my cache of friends. I have no plan as to what would happen if I ever did meet a genuine Jimmy. I hope I never do as he would have to live down to.
Now, let us compare the two styles of jokes:
“Jimmy is so stupid. Last night, he ate an entire box of soap thinking it was some magical warm ice-cream. He’s been farting bubbles all afternoon. Tomorrow I’m going to offer him a Palmolive Oil dressing and get the bathroom cleaned again!”
It’s not a barn-buster but if you let people think Jimmy’s a real boy, it’s something that will eventually be told on his wedding reception.
Compare it to your bigoted joke:
“Two Newfies walk into the bar, one slightly taller than the first. The one turns to the other and asks: “Is tonight the night they serve those fresh pickles with the meal?” The other laughs hysterically and says, “Clearly you don’t get pickles until after you finish your homework!” Both men drink responsibly and walk to their respective homes.”
That’s a terrible joke. Go ahead, tell it to your drunken uncle. He won’t laugh. He won’t breath much, either. He’s slipped into a diabetic coma. Just like those diabetics, always goin’ coma when there’s work to be done.
I’m done here.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home