Nice and Fat

Dating is a baffling and mentally taxing ordeal. As with everything I do in life, on a date I’m usually out-witted, out of place, and completely out of my league. Therefore it should come as no surprise that lady luck sung me a sour note on the social scene just recently. However, it was a cast-off remark during the typical kiss-off that pissed me off. Those two little words that have haunted me since I first noticed girls not noticing me: “Too nice.”

“Nice” is “fat” for guys. Let me explain…

Here’s a mental exercise: replace “nice” with “fat” and imagine it being said to a girl by a guy at the end of a date.

“I really like you. You’re really funny and stuff. We really connect on a whole lot of levels. But... you know.. you’re too fat.”

In reality, it probably is said a lot of times. But only one of these two statements actually makes the other person instantly a jackass. One is mean on the outside, the other is mean on the inside. Which is easier to deem as shallow? Now which is easier to fix?

What especially chaps my ass about this term is that it’s a perfectly justifiable method of disregard. It’s a back-handed compliment pulled out and used as consolation. The implication is that of fault and weakness. It’s really an insult. We know it’s an insult. We read between the lines. It’s spiking the ball on an already cruel victory. It’s just a sweet way to be a total jackass.

So instead, next time ladies, do every nice guy a favor: just call him “too fat”.