Rated "M" for Meh

"Those viewers watching with small children should be advised: This topic deals with mature subjects"

It's not the small children we have to worry about, it's the giant children that frighten me.

Typically this warning is inserted into a news program for times where the subject is going to include violence or sex. Though granted that most news is only about violence and sex for obvious reasons. The adage of "if it bleeds, it leads" is an honest one because news about a car crash on the I-90 involving a truckload of clowns is far more interesting than the pollen report.

With that in mind, having children in the room when you're watching any news program is abuse. For one reason, you're boring the child into narcolepsy. Secondly, you're stunting their appreciation for information. TV News today more closely resembles the front page of Digg on a Friday; mindless headlines with puddle-deep inspection. The editorial banter from the reporters and journalists is akin to the comments section, but with fewer mentions of 'cock'.

Instead of watching the news you should read the news to your children. This way you get the same feeling as the news-anchor; reading the text out loud to an emotionless, soulless, unblinking set of eyes. The camera always watches, but it never actually looks at you, man!

Or if you're like my family, watching the TV news during dinner is only something to chew to while you wait for another commercial to yell at.

Now, of course if this were an actual emergency, you'd see me running away from my desk.
Good evening, and good night, America!