12 Hours of Christmas
Okay, so I have to work at the Shopping in the Future-tense a straight 12 hours tomorrow. The day before Christmas and I (instead of with family and friends) will be hawking about digital cameras and cordless phones. Granted that this is a First World complaint; but, it still chaps my ass that I have to do it.
If you must go and shop on the very day before Christmas, I suggest the following:
• Abandon All Hope: You will not find what you're looking for. Plain and simple. We sold out of everything on Wednesday. What we have now is the crap that no one else wanted. Don't blame me, blame the fact we had it for a full year before you thought of getting it.
• Feeling Boxed In: Boxing Day is a myth. The deals you get are no where comparable to the Black Friday deals of the States. We sell the legacy and nearly-out-of-stock stuff on deep discount as to get rid of it. The new stuff is coming in January so we want you to buy the old stuff now. Then buy the new stuff again in January.
• Boxing Bonus Round: We actually DO have some stuff in stock right now. However, our managers are actually holding on to it for Boxing Day. We can't touch it until then. This may not be across the board on all stores, but it is in my store. I saw a huge pile of things I needed to make money and sell 'juice'. They purposely crippled my shift to benefit at 4am on December 26. Bastards, eh? Yup, YOU'RE the bastard for shopping on that day. Never forget it.
• Quit Hitting Yourself: The Boxing Day madness isn't the stores' creations. It's yours. Never forget that! We wouldn't be going insane with Door Crashers and 3am line-ups if you didn't show up in bigger crowds each year. Your insatiable thirst for gimmicks and cheap crap has created this feeding frenzy. Of course, like the conscienceless dealers they are; the stores happily oblige selling you crap and making the ne'er-do-wells operate the tills. We curse you.
• Things to stop asking for:
- Anything made by Nintendo. Why? We sold out of everything that isn't a game three weeks ago. No new shipments will arrive before January.
- Sale Items: The products that were advertised on Friday's flyer in any department. Why? Again, you're here at literally the last minute and expect no one else thought of coming in before you? We sold out of everything good or affordable on Thursday. Now you have $1800 cameras or small, crappy televisions to choose from. Hope your loved ones like gift cards!
• The Great Unwashed: I know you're not doing this on purpose. I am a last minute shopper myself. I know the trouble it can be to get out and shop; especially for things that are popular or new. But resign to the fact that you ARE shopping last minute. Accept the level of the field you are entering. You're gonna get screwed over. In fact, both of us will be.
Because as you stand there yelling at me about how the Wii must be shoved up Jimmy Hoffa's ass, I'm wondering why I'm not at home with the people who actually love me. And I'm hating you for it.
Now go hit the stores before my shift starts.
If you must go and shop on the very day before Christmas, I suggest the following:
• Abandon All Hope: You will not find what you're looking for. Plain and simple. We sold out of everything on Wednesday. What we have now is the crap that no one else wanted. Don't blame me, blame the fact we had it for a full year before you thought of getting it.
• Feeling Boxed In: Boxing Day is a myth. The deals you get are no where comparable to the Black Friday deals of the States. We sell the legacy and nearly-out-of-stock stuff on deep discount as to get rid of it. The new stuff is coming in January so we want you to buy the old stuff now. Then buy the new stuff again in January.
• Boxing Bonus Round: We actually DO have some stuff in stock right now. However, our managers are actually holding on to it for Boxing Day. We can't touch it until then. This may not be across the board on all stores, but it is in my store. I saw a huge pile of things I needed to make money and sell 'juice'. They purposely crippled my shift to benefit at 4am on December 26. Bastards, eh? Yup, YOU'RE the bastard for shopping on that day. Never forget it.
• Quit Hitting Yourself: The Boxing Day madness isn't the stores' creations. It's yours. Never forget that! We wouldn't be going insane with Door Crashers and 3am line-ups if you didn't show up in bigger crowds each year. Your insatiable thirst for gimmicks and cheap crap has created this feeding frenzy. Of course, like the conscienceless dealers they are; the stores happily oblige selling you crap and making the ne'er-do-wells operate the tills. We curse you.
• Things to stop asking for:
- Anything made by Nintendo. Why? We sold out of everything that isn't a game three weeks ago. No new shipments will arrive before January.
- Sale Items: The products that were advertised on Friday's flyer in any department. Why? Again, you're here at literally the last minute and expect no one else thought of coming in before you? We sold out of everything good or affordable on Thursday. Now you have $1800 cameras or small, crappy televisions to choose from. Hope your loved ones like gift cards!
• The Great Unwashed: I know you're not doing this on purpose. I am a last minute shopper myself. I know the trouble it can be to get out and shop; especially for things that are popular or new. But resign to the fact that you ARE shopping last minute. Accept the level of the field you are entering. You're gonna get screwed over. In fact, both of us will be.
Because as you stand there yelling at me about how the Wii must be shoved up Jimmy Hoffa's ass, I'm wondering why I'm not at home with the people who actually love me. And I'm hating you for it.
Now go hit the stores before my shift starts.
posted by Mike Classic at Sunday, December 23, 2007
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home