Afraid New World

My world is an assemblage of vicarious experiences, half-drunk nostalgia, and vague reverberations of a past that never really existed. A world torn by the ravages of a civil war fought forever between the hemispheres of Left and Right.

My world lurches forward through progress obeying all wandering wants and fixations. It is crippled by the possibility and fear of the new. The only certainty is that of pure uncertainty. There are no borders and there are no laws.

My world is the perfect dystopia created by a mind framed inside total freedom. Horrible, horrible freedom.

Pure Ownage

My trade is that of a freelancer. Graphic Design is my craft and duly hang up my sign as a man for hire. Clients come to me with their wants and wishes for new and exciting works of art and interactivity. I piece together a cobble of ideas, words, and pixels for all their web related whimsy. I charge by the hour an honest fee for plying my craft; delighting my clients on demand. Somehow, I can’t help feeling dirty; like it’s the third date and I just ordered the steak dinner. The money is on the table and now I’m going to have to earn it, damn it.

On an average scale of what a traditional designer charges, I range rather lean on the bell-curve. Either it’s low self-esteem or a high level of modesty but I’ve never charged what I’m supposed to charge for what it is I’m doing. I think this is the crux of my situation. The scent of fear is in the air and the hungry client can sense it. I’m doomed.

What happens to me is that the instant the handshake happens, the client assumes they just bought me. They now own me, my time, my ideas, and my life. Calling me at 10pm on a Saturday with content changes is fine in their mind. Monday morning is the perfect time to demand some proofs of the project. Tuesday is when it should be ready to ship. As a designer my laptop and mobile must obviously always on and at the ready. They’re my only client and I’m their personal designer.

For me, scope-creep grows like mold in a luke warm fridge. A website turns into a stationery package which turn into posters for their three-year old’s school play. And all of this is included in the original quote right? I mean, I’m being paid for this, right?

In the end, I’m a lousy businessman. I have no backbone against a pushy client. I agree to everything and figure out ways to make it happen for free. I find you the royalty free images in high-res and buy the obscure typeface; absorbing all the fees just so as to not cause a fuss. Essentially, I didn’t order the steak for dinner. All I ordered was the salad and somehow I’m still gonna put out and not expect a call in the morning. I suck.

Somehow, I feel even dirtier now.
I’m done here.

A Weirdness...

“‘Neath this garden lies a strange land. A foreign land of fruitful imagination twisted in upon itself. A darkened mirror of polished steel and dreams that hazily reflects the landscape. Things are different here; the weirdness has grown over the buildings and cracked walkways. The old world is gone, a shadow of it’s empire. Mankind has never seen such a wild jungle like this. This is a strange place; this angry paradise.”